


Inconsolable

by CeruleanMusings



Category: Holes (2003), Holes - Louis Sachar
Genre: Childhood Friends, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Love/Hate, Male-Female Friendship, Past Sexual Assault
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2018-03-19 04:24:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3596232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CeruleanMusings/pseuds/CeruleanMusings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's hard to accept your future when your past continues to show up in your present. Mickey Mason is sent to Camp Green Lake on accident. They thought she was a boy and now, under the Warden's orders, she's stuck in the boy's correctional facility forced to dig holes, keep her head down, keep quiet, and face a part of her past that she would rather bury alive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

If someone wanted to play a game of ‘I Spy’ with Mickey, the game would end after two turns. The only thing that could be ‘spied’ was dirt, dirt, and more dirt. Dirt coated the windows, it trailed behind the bus in cloud form; even the road they were traversing was made of dirt. It was a boring sight to have to stare at for three hours.

Three hours on the way to Camp Green Lake, Some correctional facility deep in the heart of Texas. She had been facing jail time originally. She was prepared to get her fingerprints taken down and her number assigned. It couldn’t have come at a better time that her court-assigned lawyer found out about an opening that was available at Camp Green Lake. It saved her from having to be put behind bars but then it robbed her of visitation from her family. If only they hadn’t been so desperate.

Never has a double-edged sword hurt so much.

Sweat beaded on her forehead and rolled down her back. Whoever said sweating was the body’s way of cooling down was a liar. She did not feel cool at all. She would’ve wiped the sweat away if her hands weren’t handcuffed to the seat in front of her. She didn’t expect to die so soon on her way to Hell.  
Heck, Mickey Mason didn’t expect to ever find herself going against the law either.

The bumpy ride finally came to an end as the stuffy bus pulled up next to a small, wooden office building. One sign on the wall read YOU ARE NOW ENTERING CAMP GREEN LAKE JUVENILE CORRECTIONAL FACILITY. She grimaced at the next sign that read: It is a violation of the Texas Penal Code to bring guns, explosives, weapons, drugs, or alcohol onto the premises. Despite the ominous signs she sighed in relief, finally able to pull her sweaty back off of the hot plastic bus seat. She rubbed her wrists once the handcuffs were removed, wiping the sweat rings off on her shirt. With shaky legs, she followed the guard off the bus and into the building.

A fan spun overhead but it didn’t provide the break from the heat in the stuffy room as she had hoped. The humidity was enough to make her feel as if her throat was closing. But it seemed to work properly when she gulped at the mere sight of the scary looking man in the chair.

His already beady eyes narrowed as he peered at Mickey. His teeth gnawed on sunflower seeds. The chewing and popping between his teeth slowed as he got a good look at Mickey. She shifted beneath his gaze, her blue eyes dropping down to her scuffed up shoes. He was looking at her as if he had never seen a girl before.

That couldn’t be good.

“What is this?” he demanded.

“New camper,” the guard replied.

The man grunted. “This here’s a girl,” he stated. Mickey’s head lifted at his statement. Something about the way he said that made her uneasy. “Aint no girls at Camp Green Lake.”

That’s why.

Mickey’s ears perked up at this. “Wait,” she said. Her voice sounded small in the room. “But this is a youth correctional facility. Right?”

“It’s a juvenile detention facility for boys,” the man said. “You aint no boy.”

Mickey kept herself from making a snarky comment. The guy looked as if he could kill her with his pinkie finger alone. Her eyes shifted back and forth between the two men as they looked at one another. Finally the scary man picked up a walkie talkie and then muttered something into it. She didn’t catch what he said.

“Sit down,” he ordered. Mickey caught that. She dropped into the seat on the other side of the desk without hesitation. She messed with the hem of her t-shirt ad licked her dry lips. Only when the saliva dried up a second later did she regret it. Boy did she wish she had a glass of lemonade right now.

“Mickey Mason?” the man asked aloud, looking at a clipboard.

“Yeah,” Mickey, squeaked, awkwardly raising her hand. Never in that moment had she seen a better placed ‘Oh Crap’ face. She would’ve laughed if the situation was funny. But it wasn’t. The scary man and the guard whispered back and forth to one another. Mickey looked around the room to keep busy, especially so she wouldn’t be accused of eavesdropping. She clutched her bag close to her chest and kicked her legs beneath the chair. Her feet barely touched the ground.

The silence that had filled the room was broken at the sound of a door creaking open. Mickey turned around in her seat and spied a short man with zinc oxide on his nose. He couldn’t have been that much taller than her. He too one look at Mickey and then his expression matched the Scary Man’s.

“Did you two rehearse that?” Mickey tried to joke. No one laughed. “Okay then.”

“Are you Mickey Mason?” Zinc-Oxide asked.

She nodded. “Yeah.”

“You’re not a boy.”

“Yeah…I’d grow a Y Chromosome but I don’t think that’s possible.”

“This s a boy’s camp.”

“I gathered that.” Not like Mickey would go had she known that fact. Jail probably had AC. That had to be a plus side. Either way, there was a lot she needed to talk to that lawyer about.

Zinc-Oxide rounded the table and looked over the Scary Man’s shoulder to see the clipboard. The two conversed for a moment. The Scary Man spat out his empty sunflower seed shells and stuffed another handful in his mouth. Zinc-Oxide motioned for Mickey to stand up and follow him, bidding someone named Mr. Sir a goodbye on the way out. Out into the depths of Hell.

“There seems to be a little mix up in our filing,” Zinc-Oxide said. Despite being short as well his strides were still longer than Mickey’s. She had to walk a little faster than her usual pace to keep up with him as they crossed the dusty compound. She spotted people in orange jumpsuits every now and then and they seemed to do a double take as she walked by. “We were expecting you to be a boy. Unisex names and all.” Mickey wondered how her gender didn’t appear on her file but she didn’t ask. “We’re asking the Warden how to handle things and get you back on your way. In the mean time, I can get you some water. I bet you’re thirsty.”

“Yeah,” Mickey rasped, her dry throat keeping her from whooping with joy at the very idea of water. Heaven in liquid form.

“It’s right over here.” He pointed and lead her over to what looked like was supposed to be showers. “My name’s Mr. Pendanski. I want you to know that although you’ve made a bad decision it doesn’t make you a bad person.”

Mickey pressed her dry lips together. No, defending herself apparently made her a bad person. She removed her cap from her head and wiped sweat off her brown with the back of her hand. Her black hair, which was pulled back into a ponytail, swung free. A few seconds later wolf-whistles rang in the air. Mickey flinched at the noise. Mr. Pendanski ignored it. She stood by with her arms crossed as Pendanski filled a canteen and then held it out to her. She eagerly gobbled the water down as a voice cut through the thick air.

“Yo Mom! Is that a mirage standing next to you?”

Mickey stopped drinking in mid-gulp to see who was yelling. Three boys sauntered over to Pendanski, all covered in dirt. One’s glasses were covered so much Mickey was surprised he could see.

“Now Rex, that’s no way to speak to a girl,” Pendanski replied, putting a hand on Mickey’s shoulder. She shrugged out from underneath his arm, frowning. “There was a bit of a mistake and she’ll be here until we can sort it out. For now, be the gentlemen that I know you can be.” Pendanski turned his grin to Mickey. It made her frown deepen. “Boys this is Mickey. Mickey this is Rex, Jose, and Theodore.” He pointed to each of them in turn.

“Naw, man, it’s X-Ray. And that’s Magnet and that’s Armpit,” the boy with glasses said, correcting names. “What are you doing here?” He lifted his chin in Mickey’s direction.  
“Lacking a dick, apparently,” Mickey replied. Magnet cracked a smile. It made his already tired-looking face that more tired-looking. “So…” she looked around herself. “Where’s the lake?” This time all three boys laughed. Mickey blinked in confusion, mentally slapping herself for the seemingly funny question. “Did I say something?”

“Pendanski!” The Scary Man, whom Mickey learned was Mr. Sir when Pendanski addressed him, walked towards them, a bit bowlegged, his hand upon a holster that Mickey hadn’t noticed before. Beneath the hot sun she blanched. “That was the Warden.” Mr. Sir spat on the ground and wiped off his mouth. “Says to keep her here. Already takin’ up a vacancy. Says it doesn’t matter where she spends her sentence. ‘Sides, bus won’t return until another spot opens.”

Mickey’s eyes widened. Stay here? In a camp full of boys? Full of criminal boys? Until who knows how long? She shook her head. She must have been hearing things. “You can’t keep me here!” She squeaked in desperation.

“It’s only temporary!” Pendanski said brightly. “Time will fly by! You won’t even notice!”

Another round of whistles pierced the air as a few more dirty boys passed by them. Mickey’s eyebrow popped up at the sound and she stared at Pendanski. Needless to say, she was sure she’d notice.

“Others might,” Armpit noted as Magnet nodded his head in agreement.

“Don’t worry, Mom, we’ll be sure to keep an eye on her. As a favor to you, of course,” X-Ray said with an easy smile. “Wouldn’t want you getting in trouble with the Warden. Win-win situation. We’ll show her around. Watch her back and stuff.”

“Right. Please do that while we sort this out,” Pendanski said. But Mickey had a feeling all of the sorting out had been done already. Pendanski patted Mickey’s shoulder. Her grip tightened on the canteen in her hands as he walked away. Leaving her with the dirty boys.

“Well, we can give you a tour,” Magnet said. Mickey looked around them. Whatever tour he could give she guessed it would be short.

“Why are you so…dirty?” Mickey asked.

“They never told you?” X-Ray asked in response. She tilted her head in confusion. “Gotta dig holes here. Once a day. You get used to it.”

Mickey made a face. They dig holes every day. What kind of correctional facility was this? She didn’t dare ask the question aloud. They were juvenile delinquents after all. Well, she was one too but who knows why they were arrested? She didn’t want to begin that train of thought. Instead she kept quiet while following the boys around. She learned early on in her life that it was better to keep quiet than to ask a bunch of questions.

The big tour went from the offices to the Mess Hall to the Wreck Room (was that a spelling error?), and then to the tents. X-Ray’s, Armpit’s, and Magnent’s tent was D-Tent. A, B, C, and E were for other campers. F was for counselors. The lone house on the property was for the Warden.

“And this is the best tent in all of camp,” X-Ray boasted as they stepped into D-Tent. It was as humid as the others. Three other boys lay on cots in the tent; one with wide eyes and crazy hair, one with curly brown hair, and one small boy. They were Zigzag, Stanley, and Zero. Mickey wondered if Stanley was his name or a nickname as the others seemed to have.

Their naming system was strange around Camp Green Lake. The whole day was strange. Even that Zigzag guy asking if she had seen any yellow-spotted lizards. She hadn’t and she wasn’t sure she wanted to.

“So you were sent here on accident?” Stanley asked, the only guy who actually talked to her rather than stare at her or openly ogle. He had arrived only two days ago. He was a newbie just like her.

Mickey nodded. “Somewhere along the way they lobbed off an X and gave me a Y,” she replied. Stanley smiled. Saying it out loud still didn’t make the situation any better. Besides the name, how was it possible for this all to go wrong? Don’t they double check these things?

“How long are you here?”

Mickey didn’t get a chance to reply as Magnet cut in with, “Hopefully forever. You’re the best thing I’ve seen all day.”

She tried to smile but it didn’t go that far. She did her best to curl in on herself, make herself smaller. Maybe then they’d leave her alone and stop asking questions.

“Yeah, so, nice chattin’ with ya. I’m gonna go find Pendanski,” she said, jumping up from the end of Stanley’s cot. Se had almost made it out of the tent when she walked smack dab into someone entering on the other side.

“Man, watch where I’m goin’!” the person grunted

“Sorry!” Mickey squeaked, flinching. “I didn’t see…” her words trailed off and her eyebrows knitted together. “Wait…Alan!?”

“Who wants ta—” ‘Alan’ started but then he stopped once he took a look at Mickey. “Mickey!?”

“I take it you two know each other,” X-Ray commented from behind them. As if that wasn’t obvious.

“Unfortunately,” Mickey growled, glaring at ‘Alan’. He did the same and brushed past her, knocking his shoulder against hers on the way. The force made her take a couple of steps back to keep from falling over.

“Who sent you to check in on me?” ‘Alan’ demanded.

“Typical Alan, thinking the world revolves around him,” Mickey muttered. “I’m not here for you.”

“It’s not Alan, it’s Squid!” he said from what she guessed was his cot as he yanked a shirt on over his head. His orange jumpsuit was tied around his waist by the arms. Everyone else stayed quiet as they watched the two.

Mickey snorted at the ridiculous name. “Oh ho! That’s even better! An animal that reflects your lack of a spine!”

“Wanna say that again?” Squid demanded. He crossed the short distance of the tent and grabbed her by her collar. “You’ll be snacking on your teeth!”

“Whoa! Squid, easy man,” X-Ray cried out, jumping up.

Mickey tried to pry his fingers off of her but they wouldn’t budge. He was much stronger than she remembered. “Get your hands off me!” she hissed.

“Looks like you’re all getting along,” Pendanski said cheerfully as he entered the tent. Mickey turned her glare to him. Was he really that blind or did he choose not to see what was in front of his face?

Squid held his glare a little longer and then let her go. He wrenched his arm from X-Ray’s grasp and sauntered back over to his cot.

“Here’s the deal,” Pendanski addressed Mickey, “The Warden has decided to make an exception and allow you to stay for as long as your sentence allows.” He shoved orange jumpsuits, a pair of gloves, and a few towels in her arms. “You get two jumpsuits. One to work in, one to relax in. You’re to dig a hole per day, five feet deep, five feet in diameter. Your shovel will be your measuring stick. You get shower tokens to wash up. There’s only one temperature: cold.” The longer Pendanski spoke the wider Mickey’s eyes got. He couldn’t be serious. But, sadly, he was. “You were supposed to fill the vacancy in B-Tent but considering the circumstances and that you already have a buddy here”—Squid lifted his middle finger—“we can shift and have you in D-Tent.” Pendanski put his hand on Mickey’s shoulder again. Her lip twitched. “Now the Warden is concerned about this…predicament so you will be working in the kitchens part time to ensure your safety. You’ll be preparing breakfast and dinner.”

Mickey’s internal screams of despair was interrupted by Alan’s, no, Squid’s burst of laughter. “Good! Stick her where she belongs!” That got him a high five from Magnet. Mickey wanted to high five him in the face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story can also be found on FFN. Please let me know what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

The last thing Mickey wanted to do was deal with the reminders of her life back at home. Yet there Alan was. Rather, there Squid was, having to ruin it all. Why the hell he was named something as lame as Squid was beyond her. Of course it was better than Barf Bag. (She felt bad about that kid, despite not knowing who he was).

She knew seeing Alan again would be tough but this was worse than she ever imagined. How easy was it to come face-to-face with someone who used to be your best friend? Someone who was now a stranger? It sucked. Which made it easier to come to the solution that she would just pretend he didn’t exist.

Instead she would focus on the piles of potatoes that she was assigned to prepare for dinner. She lost count of how many she peeled past fifteen. A few of them had gouge marks from her anger but those were salvageable. There were a handful of potatoes that were rotten beyond comprehension. She threw those away in disgust, only to be reprimanded by a guard for “wasting food”.

If that was the ‘food’ they were supposed to eat the entire time they were incarcerated, Mickey wasn’t so sure she wanted to eat.

The rhythm she had built up while peeling the potatoes wavered as she glanced up to see one of the boys staring at her. Her eyes immediately dropped back down as she pulled the sharpened blade across the vegetable. A strip of the skin landed on the pile that steadily grew in the trashcan sitting between her knees. Despite the tingly, itchy feeling she was getting from the stares she kept her focus on the task at hand. Then she could get a shower in while the boys were eating and not worry about them taking a peek at her. She thanked God that she had brought her bathing suit with her, despite the fact that the place had no lake. (Why name it after something that wasn’t there? It continued to baffle her.) But then again it was a good thing that it was named in such a way that she had one less thing to worry about.

Now all she had to focus on was not to be murdered in her sleep.

Or worse.

Mickey paused in her peeling and tugged at the collar of the ill-fitting jumpsuit. She was swimming in the fabric. It hung loose on her thin frame and bunched up in unflattering places. Not that she particularly cared about her appearance, especially not now. But she did wish she had a jumpsuit that was less bulky. But she wasn’t going to complain about that. That would be foolish on her part. She didn’t want to give any of them any reason to point her out better than they could now. She was sentenced for a year and she didn’t want to start off on the wrong foot.

Lifting the heavy sleeve of her jumpsuit, she rubbed it across her forehead. Her nose wrinkled at the scratchy, porous fabric and, once again, brushed the sleeve back only for it to fall over her small hands. Huffing as quietly as possible, she lifted the sleeve again so she could go back to peeling the seemingly never ending mountain of potatoes.

“Finally!” Mickey exclaimed as she put the last potato into the metal pan a little while later. She tossed down the peeler and wiped her hands off on a nearby towel. She flexed her fingers and smiled at the satisfying crack and the release of pressure at the joints. “Now I can get a shower and—”

“Where do you think you’re going?” the guard asked, stopping her quick escape.

“T-to the showers?” Mickey replied, her statement coming out more like a question. The stern expression on the guard’s face didn’t face. “…Sir?” she added, her voice rising in pitch as her shoulders lifted up to her ears. Still, the man’s face never changed. “No?”

“If you think you’re getting out of here due to some sort of special treatment—“

“No! No, I’m not! I don’t think I deserve any special treatment at all. No, in fact, I don’t deserve any treatment at all. You-you can just leave me here to die I the sun. Wipe your hands of all of this. No one would be the wiser!” Mickey rattled off at the mouth. Her nervous energy made her speak quicker and her voice, if possible, get much higher than it was before. She only stopped talking when the guard cleared his throat and she clamped her lips together to keep the barrage of words from falling out.

“Nice try getting away,” the guard commented. “But you’re not done yet. Throw on some gloves and a hairnet.”

Mickey blinked rapidly, trying to figure out what he was getting at. It finally clicked and her mouth dropped like a trapdoor. “You…you want me to serve them too?”

“You’re a quick one,” the guard grunted. “Get to it!”

Mickey jumped at the forceful nature of his words and rushed to get the hairnet, gloves, and an apron that was laid out for her and the others that worked with her. She tucked her hair up into the net and then held the apron in front of her, trying to figure out how to put it on.

“Here, I can help,” a voice said at the same time Mickey felt two large hands being to pull her jumpsuit off of her shoulders. She dropped the apron, reached back, and grabbed onto the wrists of the person behind her, digging her fingernails into the skin as her heart battered her chest.

“Get your hands off me,” she hissed, doing her best to keep her voice from shaking.

“Relax,” the boy said, lifting his fingers. “I’m not going to do anything. I just want to help.”

“You can do that by not touching me.”

“Alright, alright. But you have to give me my hands back.”

Mickey slowly let go of the boy’s hands and then whirled around. Of course it was the one that was staring at her that was now rubbing at his wrists, an amused sort of smile on his face. His eyebrows twitched and he snorted. “Remind me not to get on your bad side,” he muttered. “All I was going to do was show you an easier way to deal with these jumpsuits.”

“Well…do it from a distance!” Mickey ordered, looking him up and down as if she was expecting more hands to pop out from somewhere. He held up his hands, palms facing out, as if surrendering. 

“Okay. See, all you do is slip your arms from the jumpsuit, roll down the back with the sleeves in your hand until it reaches about your lower back and then you tie it around the front,” the boy said while demonstrating it.

Mickey’s lips twitched. It would make things a little more bearable, not needing to wear the top part of the jumpsuit and it didn’t seem to be against regulations. But then it put her on display, the last thing she wanted. She sighed. What would it be? Die of heat exhaustion or risk her modesty?

She wasn’t a fool.

Mickey shrugged out of the jumpsuit and rolled down the back like she was taught. She pulled the sleeves tight and then tied them around her waist. It wasn’t that much of a temperature difference between having the jumpsuit top up or down but she’d take all the difference she could get. She was sweating so much someone could probably mistake her for crying.

“Thanks,” she muttered.

“No problem,” he replied. “I’m Eagle. I’m in B-Tent, the one you were supposed to be assigned to.” Mickey’s eyebrow popped up at the name. “It’s ‘cause I came in wearing an American Eagle shirt.”

“Ah,” she muttered. “I’m Mickey.”

“I would’ve guessed. Your voice got so high I think only dogs could hear it at one point.”

“No…that’s really my name. I was named after the baseball player. Mickey Mantle. My dad’s a fan.”

“That’s enough bumping your gums,” the guard barked. “Come on, get your things on, get the food, and get in your stations. Girlie, you’re in charge of the beans. If I find a hair in it you’ll be washing everything by hand. Understood?”

Mickey pressed her lips together to keep the sound of protest from leaving her mouth. Instead she nodded and hurried to put on her apron and her gloves. Her mother would have a cow if she could see her in an apron. Grunting softly, she managed to pick up the pot of beans and waddled over to the front of the Mess Hall. She managed to lift it up onto the small burner and turned it on, jumping at the loud pop! that sounded before a flame appeared beneath it.

Crossing her arms, she leaned back against the table behind her and waited for the boys to trickle in. She wanted to get the stares over with. She was diluted into thinking that she was so drop-dead gorgeous that she would gain everyone’s attention with a snap of her fingers but who knew how long it’s been since they had seen a girl, assuming some of them weren’t into the male persuasion? And who knew if some of them were brought along because of violence towards girls?

She licked her lips. There was no sense in thinking about that. She had to focus on getting her job done and finish her sentence so she could go back home.  
Only nineteen months and twenty-nine days left.

The door to the Mess Hall burst open and in trickled the boys, laughing and joking around about something. Mickey kept a tight grip on her ladle just in case she would need to use it. Most of the guys gave her double takes, a few threw winks her way, and there were a few comments here and there but they left her alone for the most part. In fact it was smooth sailing until the D-Tent boys burst into the Mess Hall, talking about cavemen and Neanderthals or something.

“Well well, if it isn’t our new tent mate,” X-Ray said with a big smile as he slid his tray across the metal queue. “That hairnet looks good on you.” Mickey dumped a ladle full of baked beans onto his tray and went for another spoonful as Armpit came by. He smiled at her and thankfully didn’t make a crack about her predicament. Magnet was the same. Zigzag looked at her as if he was expecting to find razor blades in his food. Stanley, although looking worn out, managed a smile. Zero said nothing as he went by.

“Look at this!” Squid hooted, holding his toothpick around his finger and thumb and used it to gesture at Mickey. “Aint this the prettiest kitchen princess I ever did see.” Mickey’s eyebrow popped up, his thick accent making the word “prettiest” come out as “purtiest”. “That hairnet is very becoming.”

“This ladle is going to become a part of your anatomy soon if you don’t shut up!” Mickey growled, her grip tightening on the metal utensil in her hand.

“Don’t you have a cake to bake?” Squid asked, a smirk stretching across his face. “See, it’s cooking and serving all at once. You’ll know your place soon enough.”

Mickey tried counting to ten but her nerves were too far gone. She lifted the ladle over her head, trying to strike at him. He let go of his tray and lifted his arms, instantly going to protect his face. All at once around them noise broke out. It was a bit disorienting. Mickey didn’t even get a chance to bring the ladle down in full swing when the camper next to her grabbed her arm, warning her that it “wasn’t worth it.”

Mickey snorted. What else could they do to her? Give her more time? 

“Is there a problem over here?” Mr. Pendanski asked, appearing out of nowhere. His voice was calm but his eyes were steely. He was a walking, talking contradiction.

Squid and Mickey regarded one another. His brown eyes were hard as he looked Mickey up and down, as if daring her to make a sound. Her eyes narrowed and she pressed her lips together. She was the first to tear her eyes away.

“No, Mr. Pendanski,” she said the same time Squid muttered, “Nah, Mom.”

“Good.” An easygoing smile appeared on his face. He patted both of them on the shoulder. “Let’s keep the line moving, Alan. No need to cause a traffic jam.”

Squid tossed a glare Mickey’s way. She held his gaze as she spooned up baked beans and tilted the ladle so it splattered against his tray. His lip twitched in the top corner and he replaced the toothpick in his mouth. He cut his eyes away and moved down the line. The rest of the dinner line was uneventful, thankfully. Maybe they weren’t in the mood to deal with Pendanski or maybe they were too tired from digging to care that she was around. Either way she was happy to finally get the itchy net off of her head and the sweaty apron from around her waist.

Abandoning the pieces of fabric at the table behind her, Mickey made her way to the front door only to be blocked by yet another guard who stated that no one was to leave dinner before the bell and, if she knew what was good for her, she’d get her ass in line and quit trying to get special treatment.

As if.

She grabbed a tray and slowly moved down the line, getting the food that she had to watch be prepared. The bread was the only thing she knew was good and she already had her sights (and her stomach) set on it. 

She carefully carried her food over to her designated table, of which Magnet flagged her down to, and sat on the end. It was a peculiar set up: X-Ray sat at the head of the table, like a father figure of sorts for the rag-tag bunch. To his right sat Armpit, Squid, and Zero, his left sat Zigzag, Magnet, and Stanley. Mickey took the empty space by Zero for spacing reasons. She couldn’t ask Stanley to shift and make room for her. He probably couldn’t offer much space anyway, even if he tried.

Dinner went by as she tried to ignore the boys’ random table talk it started out about sports and then it changed to guessing what Barf Bag was doing. Mickey forced down the limp green beans and the stale creamed corn that clumped together on the way down. She was in the middle of the baked beans when it happened.

Squid, spluttering, shoved his tray away from him. His fork and knife were stuck in a peeled potato, partially split. Mickey didn’t have to see the inside to know how rotten it was. The darkened inside had begun to stretch on the outside, leaving a gray splotch on the otherwise white exterior.

“Aww, man, that’s foul,” Magnet commented, his face screwing up in disgust.

“Even I wouldn’t eat that, dude,” Armpit said, frowning at the ruined vegetable as if it had personally offended him.

“Man, those Lunch Ladies are askin’ for it, I tell ya that,” Squid fumed, yanking his fork out of his potato. It landed back on the tray with a heavy thud. Snorts traveled up and down the table as they ate their food. Zero, as usual, stayed silent. 

Mickey reached for her piece of bread when a hand snatched out and grabbed it. “Hey!” she yelped in protest, trying in a futile attempt to get it back. Squid flung out his arm, keeping her hands away. Zero leaned back to avoid being hit by Squid’s arm. Mickey could only watch in dismay as Squid ate her bread. 

“You got a problem?” X-Ray asked, staring hard at her. The silence that had fallen around the table was thick and stifling but Mickey forced herself to keep breathing.  
Yeah, she had problems. The jumpsuit was too big, she smelled like a gym sock, she hadn’t showered all day, people wouldn’t stop looking at her, Pendanski wouldn’t stop touching her, she was sure her period was coming soon and she didn’t have her supplies on her, and she was stuck having to see Alan’s, no, Squid’s stupid face for the next year. But she wasn’t stupid. She wasn’t going to complain about that. No one would take her seriously. So, as usual, she kept her words quiet and short, “…No.”

“Smart girl.”

**# # #**

The water trickling over Mickey’s head was much more soothing than she expected. She didn’t have her shampoo to properly wash her hair but that was alright. She was in a rush. She was sure no one would be happy to know that she was using the water spigot of all things to get a shower in. but she wasn’t going to risk peeping toms by standing under the showerhead. So, after dinner, she used water from the spigot and her towel to wash off the dirt, kind of like a sponge bath without the aid of a nurse and without taking off her clothes. It was a bit tricky but she managed.

Wringing out her damp hair, she trudged back to D-Tent. Even after the sun had gown down it was still warm out in the desert. It didn’t take long for the beads of water that dripped down her body to dry up and for the wet patch on the back of her t-shirt to shrink.

Her arms were sore and stiff just from carrying pots and pans; she couldn’t imagine having to dig on top of that tomorrow. She tried to push the harrowing thought out of her mind and focused on being able to sleep soon. She hadn’t slept the day before her sentence and was almost running on empty. Even sitting down for a few minutes would be a reprieve.

She had one foot on the short set of stairs leading up to D-Tent when she heard a hissing sound. Her body immediately stiffened. Her eyes darted around to look for the snake. Her mouth fell open, ready to scream.

“Shush! Are you crazy?” Eagle hissed as she stepped out of the darkness. “Don’t get your tent mates. I’m not exactly on good term with them. They’d kill me.”

Mickey’s muscles slowly eased and she put her leg down. Her heart beat hard against her chest as she regained her composure. “What are you doing here?” she hissed, jumping down.

“I saw what went down at dinner,” he replied, digging into his pockets.

“Yeah, well, he had it coming.”

“Not that.” Eagle pulled his hands out of his pockets. Clutched in one palm was a piece of bread and in another a Twinkie. Mickey’s eyes widened at the sight of the food. Eagle shrugged. “Being a Lunch Lady has its perks,” he said, shoving the food into her hands. “You saw nothing. You know nothing. Wait until you’re alone to eat this. Don’t want anyone else lurking around.”

Mickey nodded her head rapidly, shoving the food into her own pockets. “Thanks.” Eagle nodded and slinked away. Mickey’s mouth began to water at the idea of eating the sugary treat. She made sure to wipe her mouth before entering the tent.

“Thought you decided to move into the kitchen for a moment there,” Magnet commented as she walked to the back of the tent and then sat down on the sleeping bag she was provided. There weren’t enough cots to go around, Pendanski said, and they weren’t going to move one from B-Tent over. There could be another vacancy, after all. But she doubted that. If there was another one she had a way to get back. “Took you that long to wash all the pots and pans?”

“Check her hands, bet they’re all prune-y like raisins,” Zigzag added from his cot. “Soft, delicate things.”

“You won’t last out there, diggin’ holes with those.”

“I give her an hour.”

“Nah, won’t even last then. Might break a nail,” Squid added.

Mickey ignored the conversation going around her as best as she could. She couldn’t deny that her jaw would ache later from how hard she was clenching her teeth. But she kept her head down and read the book she had grabbed from her crate. Well, it was actually a small cardboard box but she wasn’t complaining. No one seemed to want to touch her stuff.

“Nah, I betcha she’ll get it all done,” X-Ray spoke up. Mickey looked up at him from beneath her bangs. The boys were looking at him as well. Even Zero. X-Ray smiled. “I bet she can handle it. She’s small, yeah, but look at Zero? He’s the first one done every time. She could be another Zero.”

A chorus of “yeah right” and “naw, man” sounded as the boys waved him away. Stanley glanced over at Mickey. She shifted her shoulders in a slight shrug. A whistle sounded in the distance. The boys all got off their cots and headed towards the exit.  
“Tent meeting, girl,” X-Ray called over his shoulder.

“I’ll be there in a second,” Mickey replied, marking her page. The boys looked at her and she sighed while rolling her eyes. “I have to change! Get out!” They shook their heads and ambled away from the tent. She waited to hear their footsteps go away. They faded and melded in with the darkness outside of the tent. She reached into her pocket, pulled out the Twinkie, and took a large bite, smiling at the sweet taste that assaulted her tongue.

Never had a Twinkie tasted so good.


	3. Chapter 3

The water was refreshingly cool, a safe haven pumping in a stream to shield her from the heat. If only it didn't overpower her, if only it didn't drench her and turn against her, making her feel like she was drowning. Mickey's eyes flew open as she coughed and spluttered beneath the swift moving water that fell out of the faucet she lay under. Holding her hands up to block the water, it flew out on all sides. The dry dirt sucked up the water as soon as it landed.

Mickey managed to scramble to her feet, her sleeping bag wrapped around her legs. Once she managed to free herself she stumbled forward only to crash headfirst into the wall of the showers. Amongst the loud noise of boys' laughter she fell to the ground, holding onto her throbbing forehead.

"What the hell…" she mumbled, rolling onto her hands and knees.

"See? I told you she looked like a drowned rat," Squid's voice stuck out amongst the rest as the boys continued hooting with laughter over her expense.

She would have fought against that assessment if she didn't feel like a drowned rat. Her waterlogged hair hung in her face and her shirt clung to her body like a second skin. She was glad that she wasn't wearing a white shirt or else she'd have a bunch of boys staring at her for a completely different reason than she wanted.

"Ah, man, that was perfect!" Magnet laughed, holding out his hand. Squid gleefully slapped his palm against Magnet's and they finished off their handshake with a snap of their fingers. Mickey's cheeks burned beneath the piercing eyes of the boys of D-Tent. She noticed none of them bothered to get her a towel or help her out. Not even Stanley who she thought was the nicest of the bunch, but maybe she was wrong.

Maybe she shouldn't have even begin to think that she could trust any of the boys or get along with them. Maybe she should just keep to herself like she had planned at the beginning. She didn't know how long she was going to be there. What was the point in befriending someone or trying to befriend someone when she could be leaving the next day?

They all looked out for themselves, it seems, she may as well do the same.

She was like that back at school as well. She got along with people for the most part but otherwise she was by herself. During lunch she would be sitting with others she called friends but she would listen more than she would speak. It didn't help that the topic of conversation was usually about which boy was the cutest, which was the hottest, which country club party was coming up, what pageant they were entering. Nothing that she had any sort of comment on.

And they knew it too. By the time the past summer came around she knew things had shifted. Alexis, whom she considered her best friend up until that point, had every excuse under the book to not want to come over and play in the pool or make homemade popsicles.

"I have to wash the dog" or "I need to watch Bailey" or "I can't, I already have plans. You know how it is" were her most common excuses. They would leave Mickey suspicious as much as she wanted to believe that Alexis was telling the truth. She never had a reason to lie to Mickey before. In fact, she had a horrible habit of not mincing her words. Everything about her was criticized from her hair style down to the shoes she wore. But Mickey took it all in stride because that was Alexis; that was what she liked about the girl. That she wasn't afraid to speak up and let people know what she was thinking.

The problem was she let people know what she was thinking. And the last time Mickey was around that was when Alexis was screaming at her and calling her a backstabber and a whore in the middle of Travis Reed's Summer Party.

The party that Mickey didn't even want to go to but she went to try and fix their friendship.

The party that cemented her fate and caused a permanent rift between herself and Alan.

The party that ruined everything.

Mickey squeezed out the hem of her shirt while glancing down at her now waterlogged sleeping bag as, one by one, the boys turned and left her in their wake. That was okay with her. The less people she had to interact with the better.

It'd help her forget that she had to share close quarters with Squid, as much as she possible could forget anyway.

The sound of the bugle came all too soon for Mickey. She wasn't sure if she had ever gotten back to sleep after the prank played on her or if she had just blocked out the passing hours from that point on. Either way her eyes burned and dread sat like lead in her legs, making her movements that morning very slow. And she hadn't even dug yet. Something that X-Ray and the others caught onto.

"Look at her, already actin' as if she feelin' the effects of diggin' a hole," X-Ray commented as he tugged on his gloves.

"Told ya she wouldn't last," Zigzag said, tugging his shirt down over his head. "She'll be lizard food for sure." He paused, his eyes widening, and then added in a bit of a whisper, "What if she's lizard bait? She could be luring them all here."

"Shut up, man, it's too early for this," Magnet mumbled in his half-asleep stupor.

"'Sides, even she can't lure in something like lizards," Squid added, continuing the unspoken agreement to talk about her instead of to her. "She's too ugly for that." Mickey sniffed and brushed her hand across her nose. The dirt burned in the back of her nose but she didn't have enough saliva yet to spit. Instead she imagined hocking a loogie at the back of his head.

After the horrible water prank she had to change into her second set of work clothes, which was a challenge in itself having to find a way to do it without dealing with a peeper. It was either dirty up her clothes faster than suggested or sleep in something that was going to cake on dirt and sweat. She may have to dress like a boy and do activities that the other boys did but that didn't mean she was going to roll around in dirt like one if she could help it. Apparently the other boys didn't agree.

She trudged behind the rest of D-Tent and joined the mass of other worn orange clad bodies that headed over to the shed marked LIBRARY. It was a cruel joke. Mickey was sure that they wouldn't trust them with a set of books, especially if the Wreck Room was of any indication of how they handled their privileges.

Mr. Sir stood by the Library, barking at them to wake up and to get their shovels while Dr. Pendanski was offering up smiles to the sleepy campers and pointing them towards breakfast for the day: honey tortillas. Mickey's heart sank when she saw the breakfast, the sudden realization that she should have been up to prepare it had slammed into her brain. Would she get in trouble for that? Get punished? Stoned? Thankfully her mind couldn't come up with something worse when Eagle walked by and muttered "Got you covered" and disappeared as quickly as he appeared.

She stopped in her tracks and stared at his back. This boy was going out of his way to make sure she was settled in and for what? What was he getting out of it? Or what did he want? She wasn't naïve. After one short day there she could tell people worked on a deal where favors were done only if the return value was stated upfront or worth equal value. X-Ray was the best example of that. So why was Eagle any different?

Shaking her head to dislodge the question, she tried to put her mind on the thought of needing to dig holes for the next however long it would take her to do it. The shovel was a little shorter than her and had a distinct weight to it. She bit down on her lip and sighed. The gravity of the situation fell onto her shoulders. This was really happening. She was stuck in a camp where she had to dig holes in the hot sun.

"Open them eyes, girlie," Mr. Sir barked as she passed by him. "This aint the Girl Scouts."

They say that sweat was the human body's natural way of cooling itself down. The sweat dripping down her body didn't feel like it was cooling her down, it felt like it was trapping the heat against her skin due to the hot sun. Tying her hair back into a ponytail released the heat trapped on her neck but it only gave a momentary relief. The sun was merciless, it didn't matter who stood beneath it, and they were all feeling its wrath.

It was better when they began digging before the sun came up. But as the sun steadily rose the temperature soared. She wore her jumpsuit as long as she could possibly take it and by that point her modesty didn't matter any longer. They were all trapped in an inferno, hell on earth, and it didn't care who it took down with it.

Shoving the tip of her shovel through the Earth's crust was harder than she expected. She knew it was be a struggle but it barely made a scratch. She tried slamming the tip into the dirt, she tried scraping the tip in from side to side, she even tried jumping on it to get it in but her weight didn't add much to the tool. By the time she finally got her first clump of dirt out of the ground she was pouring with sweat and the other boys were guffawing at her attempts, save for Stanley and Zero.

By the time Pendanski came around with the water truck for lunch Stanley was a little less than half down with his hole, the other boys were on their way and Mickey had barely gotten a quarter of the way done. Her arms ached, her back ached, her palms had been rubbed raw, salty sweat ran into her eyes and her skin had already taken on a light red hue, the making of an awful sunburn.

"Come on." Mickey looks up right as the person's shadow blocked the sun. Turning around she squinted to see Stanley standing over her. "It's lunch time," he continued.

Nodding, Mickey dropped her shovel, thankful not to have to hold it any longer. She managed to lift her leg—boy was it heavy!—and prop it on the edge of her hole to step out of it. Her strides were long and slow, as if her very own muscles were revolting against her. By the time she got there an order had formed: X-Ray, Armpit, Squid, Zigzag, Magnet, Zero, Stanley, and then herself. She brushed her arm across her forehead, collecting the sweat, and felt it smear across her skin.

"Find anymore fossils, Caveman?" Magnet called. Mickey wasn't sure who he was referring to for a moment but then figured it was Stanley when he lowered his head. That was the first she had heard of the nickname. "Seaweed this time?"

"Man, there aint no seaweed all the way out here," Armpit replied, accepting his lunch. "Sharks maybe."

"Sharks but no seaweed? You're crazy!"

"They wouldn't survive out here anyway. Water's too shallow," X-Ray explained, hovering by the truck door to wait for the others to catch up with him.

"Fish but no sharks?" Magnet demanded, sounding as if he didn't believe X-Ray.

"He's right, man," Squid replied. "It was a lake. Sharks can't live in lakes. No saltwater."

"Squid would know," X-Ray laughed, elbowing Squid in the side. He shoved X-Ray's arm away and rolled his eyes.

"How's your first hole, Mickey?" Dr. Pendanski asked with his usual shit-eating grin. She didn't even have enough energy to ask him to turn it down. She could only grunt a response and force her arm up to grab onto the bag he was holding out to her. "Well, I'm sure you'll get through it in no time. You can do it." He patted her arm and she winced. If he noticed he didn't let on that he did. He just flashed a thumbs up sign, climbed back into his truck, and drove onto the next location of holes.

Coughing as the cloud of dust enveloped her; Mickey walked back over to her hole and sat down next to it. She ate her sandwich first, despite it tasting like cardboard between bread. Then she moved onto her 'cookie', which was essentially a graham cracker but she didn't complain. She washed the dry snack down with her water, not wanting to touch her orange juice yet.

She was just about to take a bite of her apple when, out of the corner of her eye, she saw and arm reach out and take her carton of juice. Quick in a flash she was on her feet, grabbing onto the wrist of the thief.

"You gotta problem?" Squid asked, his voice dropping to a dangerously low level.

"Give that back!" Mickey snapped. Well, she thought she snapped. Her voice came out more as a squeak than the commanding tone she wanted to use. Either way she still didn't let go of his wrist.

His eyebrow lifted and then he laughed. He pushed her arm away, shaking his head, and started to walk back over to where his friends were waiting. She didn't know what possessed her to do it, the heat, being tired of being treated like shit, general frustration, whatever it was powered up her arm to throw her apple at the back of his head.

It hit him with a thunk and silenced all noise in the general vicinity. Mickey's jaw hurt from her clenched teeth. The pressure eased off when he turned around and she saw the look in his eye. She had seen it before. It had never been directed at her, it was directed towards others that had pissed him off and it scared her then. Now, though, it downright terrified her. But she wasn't going to let him push her around, not this time.

"You wanna apologize?" he asked.

"Nope," she replied.

He cracked his knuckles. "Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure."

He stepped closer. "Last try."

"Try this!"

Mickey managed to jump up and wrap her arm around his neck, squeezing the muscle to put as much pressure on him as possible. She had the advantage of a surprise attack for a few seconds until Squid easily broke out of her grip and tackled her to the ground. The blow combined with his weight atop of her made the air rush out of her all at once. She could hear shouting from the other boys but it sounded far away. She brought her hands up to try and block him but not being able to breathe properly slowed her movements. He overpowered her easily, pinning her body down by straddling her waist.

The barrage of fists hitting her face came next. The first blow made her see stars and pain throb by her eye. She tried to fend off the next one but her arms wouldn't lift off the ground. Another punch landed on her jaw. In her swimming haze she could see his fist drawing back again. She closed her eyes and waited for the blow but it never came. She blinked her eyes open and managed to see a red-faced Squid being pulled off her by Armpit and Zigzag.

"That's enough, man," X-Ray said, somewhere above them.

Groaning, Mickey managed to roll over and spit on the ground. A reddened blob stared back at her as she was finally able to pull air into her lungs. She coughed a couple of times and breathed back in. She slowly got to her feet, unaided by the others, and swayed on the spot but managed to stay on her feet. She turned around, took a swig of her water bottle and spat on the ground. The water stung where it met the split in her lip but she ignored it and forced herself to pick up her shovel.

No one else was going to dig her hole for her.

Every now and then she would glance over at Squid only to see that his head was kept down and he was shoveling as if the dirt beneath his shovel was her face. Maybe it could work for her. No one said a word as they all went back to digging. Slowly, but surely, they started to leave as their holes were completed. Zero first, then Armpit, followed by Magnet, X-Ray, Zigzag and Squid at the same time, and then Caveman. Mickey was still digging by the time started to set. Only when it was a pinkish-orange ball in the distance did she finally finish.

She used the shovel to give her leverage to get out of the hole, her arms and legs were useless by that point. Once she stood at level surface she stared off in the distance, taking in the sunset. Then she turned, and like the other boys, spat in her hole, grabbed her shovel, and began her long walk back to D-Tent.

By the time she reached the tent she almost ran right into Dr. Pendanski who came barging out of the tent, a flashlight in hand. Night had fallen and the stars came out fifteen minutes ago.

"Mickey! There are you are! We thought you were hurt!" he exclaimed, resembling a jack-o-lantern behind the light. At the sound of his shout some of the boys rushed to the opening. X-Ray's eyebrows lifted and Magnet whistled.

"Not all of us," Squid's grunt came from inside the tent.

"What happened to your face?" Dr. Pendanski asked.

Mickey rolled her head to the side as she thought. She wanted Squid to pay, she really did. He got away with too much so far. But what would she gain from it? Having to watch over her shoulder to make sure he didn't jump her again? Granted, she did start the fight but still. She knew him. He would make sure he finished it, one way or the other.

Her eyes shifted over to Magnet who was miming something. Mickey's eyebrows lowered and she squinted slightly, trying to figure out what he was doing. He had his hand out, palm flat, and looked as if he was…pushing something?

"Uh…I…" Mickey stalled, glancing back and forth between Dr. Pendanski and Magnet. X-Ray grabbed onto the tent flap and shook it. Magnet pointed at it. "I…hit…"

Magnet threw his arms into the air and disappeared into the tent. A few seconds later he came back holding up a piece of paper. X-Ray jabbed his finger at the words written on it.

"I…walked into the tent door," she finally replied.

Dr. Pendanski stared at her for a few moments, blinking, and then patted her shoulder. "Okay then. Be more careful next time. Don't want that to happen again." He then descended the stairs and stepped into the darkness that surrounded the camp.

"Yeah, don't want that to happen again," she muttered under her breath.

Great, now she was at X-Ray's and Magnet's mercy.


	4. Chapter 4

Mickey knew as soon as she woke up the next morning that the bruise around her eye was worse than she had imagined. The skin was still sensitive to the touch and it throbbed along with her pulse. Resting it on her scratchy, porous pillow probably didn't help matters. Whenever she blinked tears appeared in her eyes which had to trail down her face. Rubbing it away was not an option. Not if she wanted to risk getting sand or dirt or grit into the wound to make it worse.

So now she had to get up before the sun with an aching face, stiff, tense muscles, and a cloud looming over her head. She was in X-Ray's and Magnet's debt. Who knew what they would get her to do? They treated each other like friends but would look for any sort of benefit from friendships if they could get it. It was a dog-eat-dog world out there in the desert; she wasn't stupid enough not to believe that. Every man for himself and if she was going to survive however long she was going to be there she had to play by their rules.

Which was how she managed to get herself up before the others, put on her clothes (under her covers, she wasn't stupid enough to risk changing thinking that the boys were asleep), and begrudgingly head out to the Mess Hall to prepare breakfast for the rest of the camp.

She trudged up the stairs and flung open the door, rubbing the sleep out of the corner of her good eye. Her left eye had swollen to the point that half of her vision had been taken away but if she lifted her head she could see out of it. That's what she had to do while she tried to prepare breakfast that morning: toast and celery sticks with peanut butter. Not that great of a breakfast choice but it was better than tortillas and honey.

"Good morning," Eagle chirped as he walked into the kitchen, carrying many loaves of bread in his arms. "Ooh, maybe not so good," he mumbled when Mickey threw a glare his way. Well, as good of a glare as she could muster with her bum eye. He set the bread down and peered at her. "What happened to your eye?"

"I fought a rattlesnake, what do you think happened to it?" Mickey snapped, brandishing the knife that was in her hand to spread peanut butter on the celery.

"Whoa, okay, no need to wave that around," Eagle said, holding up his hands. Mickey grunted and spread another slab of peanut butter onto the piece of celery in her hand. "What happened?"

"Oh, nothing, I just got attacked by a psycho," Mickey replied. She blinked in surprise at how easy and willing her words came out of her mouth. Like she was talking to an old friend…

"Psycho in C-Tent attacked you?"

Mickey looked up at him and then slowly shook his head. "I don't know why I'm surprised that there's someone here named Psycho," she muttered, picking up another piece of celery. She paused to yawn, her left eye stinging from the added tears. She let it trail down her cheek and clear the darkened skin before wiping it away. "But no."

"Someone in your tent?" Eagle pressed. "Zigzag, right? He's crazy, you know. Always staring at that TV when there's nothing on it. Talks to his shovel sometimes. Don't cross him."

"Good to know," she grumbled. And it was. She didn't know those boys from Adam. For all she knew she was stuck in a tent with a bunch of serial killers. And Pendanski and Mr. Sir were fine with that. A lump formed in her throat, as if she had eaten a glob of peanut butter herself.

She was stuck in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of juvenile delinquent boys who were there for god knows what reason. Some of them could have killed people. Some of them could have seriously y injured others. Some could be drug pushers, for all she knew! They could easily kill her and hide her body and no one would be of the wiser. No one would even care, aside from her family.

Not even Alan.

She froze at the intruding thought. After getting beaten up by him she had drawn a line. She would be on one side and he would be on the other and their paths wouldn't cross and they wouldn't meet. He didn't want her in his life anymore, why would she? If he could throw their years of history out the door, she could too.

Who cares that they had twelve years of history between them?

She remembered the day they first met like it had happened yesterday. Her mother had taken her to day care while she went to her job as a cashier at the local grocery store. Her father had already left early for his job as a truck driver. He was going to be gone for about a week. She couldn't wait for him to take her to the park.

She toddled over to a bucket of blocks in the classroom and dumped them out. She sorted them by color and then began to create a castle. She had the outline of her base constructed when a four-year-old boy walked over and looked at her structure.

"What are you doing?" he asked, his head tilting in curiosity.

"Making a castle," she replied, picking up another block and stacking it atop of the steadily growing structure.

"Can I play?"

"No, you'll do it wrong."

He huffed. "No I won't. I can help. See?" Stubbornly, he picked up a block and set it on the stack that Mickey had constructed. It wobbled and swayed until gravity took ahold of it and knocked it over. "Oops," he muttered.

"See!" Mickey huffed. "I told you. You ruined it."

"I can fix it," he grumbled, reaching down to pick up another block.

"No!" she stomped her foot. "You ruined it!" Picking up a block hear her she drew back her arm and hit him over the head with it. "You ruined it!"

"Ow! Stop it!" the boy yelled, covering his head with his hands. He grabbed a block and started hitting her back. She then abandoned her block and reached up, grabbing onto his hair. He then started biting her arm.

The two screaming toddlers were quickly pulled apart and brought to the front room to sit on chairs to wait as their mothers were called. They were told, under no circumstances, could they leave their seats. The only exception was if it was an emergency. Mickey sat with her arms crossed ad her lower lip sticking out in a pout while the boy sat back, tapping the front of his shoes together.

"You ruined my castle," Mickey grumbled.

"It was an ax-see-dent," the boy replied. "You built it wrong."

"No! You messed it up!"

"You messed it up! It was stupid, anyway."

Mickey gasped. "It wasn't stupid! You're stupid!"

"You're stupid!"

"Mickey! Alan! That is not how we talk to each other around here," one daycare worker, Ms. Nelson, scolded them. She approached with a tray in each hand, both containing a box of juice, a sandwich cut into triangle halves and a fruit cup. "Now I want you two to sit here and eat your lunch while we wait to get in contacts with your moms."

The two kids balanced the trays on their laps and bit into their cheese sandwiches. They were quiet for a while as they ate until Alan finally spoke up. "Your name is Mickey?" he asked.

"Yes," she replied.

"That's a dumb name."

"No it's not. Alan's a dumb name!'

"My mommy named me after my daddy!"

"Well my mommy named me after the mouse! My name is better! Ha ha!"

Alan stuck his tongue out at her. "Nobody likes that dumb mouse," he said. "Power Rangers are better."

Mickey sat up straighter in her seat. "You like Power Rangers?" she asked.

"Yeah. I like the red one."

"Me too."

Their feud was quickly forgotten as they ranted and raved over their favorite power ranger and the monsters they fought. In fact the rest of their time at daycare consisted of them playing Power Rangers, Alan was the Red Ranger and Mickey was the Blue Ranger. Any time the two were in daycare they would immediately play but it was not always harmonious, they always had something to fight about be it someone not liking a rule or not liking the other's shirt or thinking that their idea for the game was dumb.

That evolved as the two grew up and began attending the same school. The more they argued the closer they became until there was no question about them being best friends. He was always over at her house after school to do homework and to play and he sought refuge there whenever he got into a fight with his mom.

Then their teen years came along and she found his arguments with his mother increasing as well as his bad behavior. He was rude and short-tempered and took to making fun of her shortcomings much more than she did before but she overlooked it because they were friends. She saw a side of Alan that no one else saw, one that made her want to hold him tight and help him along his way. He knew all her secrets and she his and nothing would ever change that. She was always there for him, getting him out of trouble and covering for him when the need arose. She was always there to help him out.

But the one time she needed the favor returned, the one time she needed him, he abandoned her.

And he was going on like she was in the wrong? It made her snort. It made her scoff. He had no reason to act like the victim, she did. But because she was new to the camp, because she was the one out of her element and stuck in his realm, she had to live in their mixed up reality that the camp provided.

It wasn't fair.

"It, ah, it wasn't Zigzag," Mickey spoke up after a long stretch of silence. "It was Squid."

"Hmm, can't say I don't believe that. The guy's a bit high strung if you ask me."

No kidding. Mickey hid the smirk that started to appear on her face. If he knew all the shit that Alan had gotten himself into over the years, the reason behind his trigger-happy way of dealing with things around the camp it'd all make sense.

"What'd you do?" Eagle continued.

"Stand up for myself," Mickey replied, pausing to lick peanut butter off her thumb.

"Wow. That was risky."

"He should have seen it coming. He knows he can't just walk all over me and not expect a fight."

Eagle stopped what he was doing. "Are we talking about the same Squid."

"Unfortunately," Mickey replied. She sighed and brushed her hair out of her face. "We're friends. Well…used to be. We stopped being friends before he came here so…"

"Ah. That must have been weird. Seeing him again."

"No," Mickey said, her voice hardening. "it's exactly what I expected."


	5. Chapter 5

Pain wasn't new to Mickey. Of course there was a difference between aching muscles due to hard labor and aching muscles due to a hard workout or from getting into a fight. And that was in a different category from emotionally inflicted pain, the sort of pain that dug in deep and held on with barbs. The kind that made you feel as if you were kicked in the gut by someone wearing steel-toed shoes. That kind she felt whenever she remembered her childhood with Alan or Squid or whatever the hell he was called now or heard him laugh or saw that particular smile when something made him giddy. Unfortunately that one only appeared at her expense nowadays.

He'd get a good laugh out of her today. The pain in her muscles had masked the pain that was nestled within the pit of her stomach which only meant she was going to have a horrible next few days. It wasn't every day that someone got their time of month while in a hot desert having to dig all day with no private bathroom nearby.

She grimaced as she followed the mass of boys towards the shed marked 'Library'. It still made her heart sink to know that behind the doors were shovels and not an actual library. She had brought a couple of books with her but then she could only read them so many times before getting bored with it, even if it was Harry Potter. She expected some to be in the Wreck Room when she first spied it but then thought better about it. Even if there were books there she doubted they'd be in any sort of decent condition if the TV and pool table were anything to go by. Seemed they provided enough to keep the 'campers' from going completely crazy rather than giving them something to bide their time and stimulate them.

When Mickey finally got a shovel she barely had any strength to keep it off the ground. It wavered in her arms, the balance unsettling her momentarily. She barely slept, her muscles throbbed, and it felt as if a squirrel was trying to claw its way out of her. But she didn't complain. She kept her mouth shut, grabbed her peanut butter covered celery and peanut butter covered bread—breakfast if it could be called that—and merged with the masses out to the lake.

The sun hadn't risen yet, it was a faint line of pink off in the distance of an inky blue that blanketed the sky. Any remaining stars that twinkled above their heads slowly faded as they walked out across the dry wasteland. Dust kicked up around their feet as their heavy boots clomped against the cracked dirt. Mr. Sir led each group to different parts of the lake, starting with A-Tent. They walked far enough away that the sounds of their shovels hitting the dirt was faint, almost as if they were imagining the noise. The same process was followed as Mr. Sir pointed out where B and C Tent were going to dig.

Then D Tent was told where to dig. Mr. Sir marked the ground with the heel of his boot for each camper, giving them roughly enough space between holes per person so as not to end up have a cave in. With how anal the boys seemed to be about where their dirt landed she couldn't even imagine how they'd react if their holes were too close. They'd probably lose their minds, not that she could exactly blame them. Being out there in the desert digging one hole day after day in the hot sun was enough to drive any sane person crazy.

Mickey pressed the tip of her shovel against the X that Mr. Sir had marked out for her and stared at it. She knew the only way she could get the tip into the ground would be to jump on it with all her might but she was just too tired. The other boys had it easy. Stanley, no, Caveman and Armpit could use their weight to help them out. Zigzag, Magnet, and Squid, judging by their forms, could use their muscles to help them out easily. X-Ray and Zero on the other hand, they were small and on the thin side. How they managed to get their shovels into the thick crust of the surface was beyond her.

She gripped the smooth shaft of the shovel between her aching palms. They throbbed in time with her heart beat and, for a moment, she stood and felt the pulse in her palms and listened to the oddly rhythmic sounds of her "tentmates'" shovel scoops and dirt tosses. But then she broke herself out of her trance because, well, no one else was going to dig her hole for her and if she didn't start she'd be out all day.

It was slow going. She finally managed to pry up a piece of dirt to get her hole started and from there it wasn't a smooth operation. Every time she went to scoop up more dirt, bolts of pain shot through her lower back. The air warmed up fast as time wore on and made it difficult to breathe. Like bags were being held over their heads and they were slowly suffocating.

Sweat dripped off Mickey's dirty face and landed on the water-starved ground. The cracked lake-bed swallowed the salty drips as soon as it connected with the dirt. Just seeing it made her want to go for her water but she knew if she even got a drop on her tongue half of that canteen would be empty and she didn't know when someone would come by with the water truck.

The sleepy haze that had settled over the group lifted along with the rising sun and soon the boys were talking and joking around as if they were standing by a water cooler or in a locker room. They spoke as if she weren't around, which part of her appreciated but part of her wished they would censor themselves a little bit.

"I'm tellin' ya, man, there's nothin' like some sweet lovin' that a girl can give you," Zigzag commented as he rest against the side of his hole.

"Kisses from your grandma don't count," Magnet pointed out, earning howls of laughter from the others save for Caveman and Zero. Those two were the only ones who continued to dig aside from Mickey. Zero liked to get in and get out whereas Caveman needed to keep digging. Being the slowest digger any breaks would only put him further back. Mickey was only trying to push through her pain, knowing that if she stopped it would be hard for her to keep going. But she did glance at them every now and then and listened in on their conversation. After all, it wasn't like she could be called out on eavesdropping since they weren't too far apart from one another.

"Yeah, dawg, what you know about sweet lovin' anyway?" Armpit asked.

"I know enough," Zigzag replied. He ran a hand through his crazy hair but it only made it stick out more than it had before. It was almost as if there was electricity in the air keeping up the shape. "Man, I can't wait to get out of here. Gonna hang out with babes and…bathe in ice cream."

"Ice cream?" Squid repeated. He jammed the tip of his shovel into the dirt and rest his arm on the shaft. "You'd rather bathe in ice cream than water?"

"Well, yeah, bathing in water doesn't make sense," Zigzag replied as if it were the most obvious answer in the world. He got blank stares in return. "See, with water I'd be going from warm to cold. But, with ice cream, I'd be going from cold to warm. Get it?"

"…You made more sense when you were talking about chicks."

"Aint that the truth," Magnet laughed. His laughter turned into a wistful sort of sigh and the boys fell silence until he broke it again. "You have girls at home?"

"Can't be that hard to find one now. Aren't girls into bad boys?" X-Ray asked with a large smile. "'Ey, you can vouch for us can't you?" he asked, directing his question over at Mickey. She paused—which was a bad idea on her part for she could feel the pain that she managed to ignore pool into her muscles. She pressed her lips together to keep from grimacing and felt herself getting hot under the collar, and it had nothing to do with the sun. "Aint it true girls like bad boys?"

Mickey blinked. She ran her tongue over her cracked, dry lips and felt the sting from the sudden moisture added to them. Her fingers drummed against the shaft of her shovel. It was such a simple question and yet it landed on Mickey's chest like a brick.

Aint it true girls like bad boys?...

The clock hands barely brushed past midnight when Alan came through Mickey's bedroom window. She expected it, waited for it even. It was the only way they could talk if the two were ever up late at night. He still wouldn't let her come over to his house no matter how much she asked. Mickey sat up in bed and reached over to flick on the light. The warm, golden glow seeped out of the lampshade and illuminated the curled-up boy on the floor.

"What are you doing down there?" she asked, kicking back her covers.

"I fell down," Alan replied. A second later his shoulders shook as he laughed. "I'm Humpty Dumpty! I fell off the wall and I'm cracked!" He held onto his sides and rolled to and fro. His eyes crinkled in the corners from mirth and redness settled in his cheeks.

"Shush! My mom and dad will hear you!" Mickey hissed, rushing to his side. He didn't seem to hear her as he continued laughing. She grabbed onto his arm and tried to pull him up but he was dead weight. "What have you been eating, bricks?"

"Pizza," Alan managed to reply though his laughter. Half his body lifted off the ground when Mickey pulled at him but he was dead weight. "A lot of pizza. With fish and olives. It was gross. Like that face." He reached out and poked Mickey's cheek, digging his finger into the skin. She could feel it poking between her teeth. She had to resist the urge to bite him.

"Come on, get up," Mickey urged. She dropped his arm and grasped his hands instead. Thankfully he grasped her hands in return and allowed him her to pull him up into a sitting position. But his head lolled around on his shoulders and his half-lidded gaze didn't fix on anything in particular. "You've been drinking again," she stated. It was a bit of a redundant, she knew, but she didn't have anything else she could say about it. They've been having the same conversation for three years.

"Just a little," he replied, holding up his finger and thumb. "Mom's getting' bad at hidin' the liquor." He laughed again. "If it's not in her stomach it's in mine! How's that for being a role model?" His smile slowly faded and his features fell. He sighed heavily and Mickey's nose wrinkled at the strong scent of alcohol that wafted past it. "She sucks," he grumbled. "I hate her."

"No you don't," Mickey grunted. She finally managed to pull him to his feet and then grabbed him around the waist to keep him from falling over. He swung an arm around her shoulder and let her walk him over to her bed where he collapsed on his side. "She's sick. You can't hate her for that."

"She sucks," he repeated. "She's mean when she drinks." He grabbed her pillow and tucked it beneath his head. "She likes drinking so much. I don't get why." He paused. "She loves the bottle more than me. She's…she's never said it." His eyebrows furrowed as if he were confused by something but his words were clear. "She never said she loves me."

"She does," Mickey stated, lying down next to him. "You don't always have to say it. I love your ass despite how annoying you are and how much trouble you get into." She poked his cheek. "I let you crawl in through my window like some burglar, don't I?"

Alan frowned. "I'd never steal from you. I don't steal. I told you that."

Mickey sighed. "I know, but your friends—" Her words trailed off at the glare he, well, tried to shoot at her. It was no secret that a rash of thefts was going around the neighborhood and it was no secret that it was Alan's friends that were behind it all. Twenty-year-old loser dropouts. She still didn't know what they wanted with someone in their mid-teens but somehow Alan rolled around with their crew like it was no big deal.

"I don't," he stressed.

"Okay. I believe you," Mickey replied.

"Good." He rubbed at his eye with the heel of his palm. "You're my best friend. I don't…I don't want you being mad at me. I wouldn't lie to you, Diz." He shifted until he was curled up in his side, his head resting on her stomach. "I don't need anyone else. I don't need my fucking mom or my fucking dad. I just need you." She smiled and ran her fingers through his hair, gently tugging on the strands. "Can I stay here?"

"Until the sun comes up. Like always," Mickey replied. "Dad doesn't want boys in my room. Even if it's you."

Alan didn't respond. The alcohol running though his bloodstream put him into a fast, deep sleep. She didn't mind his snoring. She didn't mind his muttering in his sleep. She didn't even mind when he woke up just to puke on her lap and then pass out again. She rolled out of bed, changed clothes, threw them into the washing machine and climbed back into bed. As soon as she laid back down Alan rolled over and wrapped his arms around her waist. She held him close and nuzzled her nose into his hair. It smelled of cigarettes and honey.

Aint it true girls like bad boys?...

She gave her head a shake, erasing the invading memories that attacked her heart. The lump in her throat broke when she swallowed—as much as she could little to no saliva—and she blew a breath out of the side of her mouth.

"Maybe," she finally admitted, "but that's before we realize they're lost causes and we can't fix them if they don't want to be fixed." She dared to risk a glance at Squid. He held her gaze and silently rolled his toothpick or whatever it was he was chewing on from one side of his mouth to the other.

"Well, I want to be fixed," Magnet spoke up, wiggling his eyebrows. "Kisses always work, right? Hey girlie, come give me a kiss!" He leaned against his shovel and made a show of puckering his lips.

Everyone stopped what they were doing that time. Mickey looked over at Squid again. He yanked his shovel out of the dirt and stabbed the ground with it.

It may as well have been her face.

She grasped her shovel and sliced into the dirt with it. One by one the other boys went back to digging their holes and they fell into silence. She tried to ignore the growing pain deep within her but it got stronger the longer the day went on. On top of that she had to continually duck into her hole and check whether it was sweat or something else that was sliding down her leg.

She nearly fell down to her knees when the water truck came around. It didn't feel like the end was in sight. She was digging herself a one way ticket to Hell. Her legs felt like they were stuck in mud as she trudged her way to the line that was forming at the back of the water truck. It was X-Ray, Armpit, Squid, Zigzag, Magnet, Zero, Caveman, and then herself. Never in her life has she appreciated being short until now. Caveman was blocking the sun out for her so she had a little bit of relief. Not a lot but a little.

"How're you feeling, Mickey?" Pendanski asked as he filled her canteen.

Was that a trick question? Her eyebrows crinkled and she cleared her throat as best as she could to answer him. "Hot," she finally replied, her voice raspy.

"Yes, well, you get used to that." He shut off the water and replaced the cap on her canteen and held it back to her. The smile on his face never faded as he watched her gulp down her water. "But, um, how are you really feeling?" he continued, rocking back and forth on his feet.

Mickey's eyebrow popped up as she slowly lowered her canteen, swallowing the last bit of water that was in her mouth. "Um…sweaty?" she finally replied.

"Sweaty. Good. Okay." Pendanski nodded his head rapidly so much that he appeared to resemble a bobble-head. "It's just… The Warden… understands your predicament, being a girl here. A woman. And The Warden wanted to make sure you were a bit more…comfortable. Yeah. So…here." He practically shoved the brightly colored packages he held behind his back into her hands and scampered away. Jumping into the truck, he floored the pedal and sped off, leaving her in a cloud of dust.

Coughing, she stumbled her way back to her hole and dropped in. Crouching down, she looked between the two packages to decide which product to use. Once the choice was made, she put it on as discreetly as possible and then reached out of her hole to grab her canteen. She popped two painkillers into her mouth and downed them with water, praying that they would work fast.

She didn't know how much time passed until a shadow fell over her hole. She sighed and squared her shoulders, ready for some sort of verbal onslaught when she turned around. Her body jolted at the sight of X-Ray standing above her. He wasn't that much bigger than her if they were standing side by side but he still felt massive to her.

"Hey," he greeted her with an easy going smile.

"Er…hi?" she replied. Before she could stop herself, her arm lifted and waved in his direction. Only her body wasn't quite working with her so her arm flopped like a fish on land.

"So I see you got something to help out your little problem," he continued, lifting his chin in the direction of the cast-aside pill bottle. Mickey looked between the bottle to X-Ray. "If you recall Magnet and I covered you the other day. It's only fair that we get a bit of a reward, right?" Her eyes shifted from the bottle to his face back to the bottle and back to his face. He smiled an easy-going smile. "It won't cost much. Just a few of those pills is all."

Mickey bit her lip. "I don't know…"

"You don't need it all the time," X-Ray pointed out. "It doesn't last that long, right? Four-five days max? You can't use that entire bottle in a week. No one will know." Mickey wanted to know how he knew anything about a female's cycle but she didn't ask. She didn't want to know that badly. She'd be scarred. "So? What d'you say?"

Mickey's shoulders sagged. Nothing good could come from giving a juvenile delinquent pills but…she didn't exactly want to make enemies at the camp either. Even if she weren't there that much longer she wasn't stupid enough to think that getting by alone would be the best way to go. But what kind of debt would this put her in now?

"…Okay," she said quietly. She grabbed the bottle as best as he could—blisters dotted her hands—and removed the top. She poured a couple of pills into his palm and shoved the bottle into the large front pocket of her jumpsuit.

"Good decision," X-Ray said with a large smile.

****

**# # #**

She hadn't been so happy to see her thin sleeping bag until that moment. She flopped onto the floor and let out a long breath. Rolling down the top to her jumpsuit she laid her hands on her stomach and pressed into her skin, rubbing away the ache that lurked beneath the surface. Her skin was still warm to the touch from the hot sun she stood beneath all day despite getting a shower in. Her face was flushed and she swore she was beginning to get a sunburn and she knew she had to get up to prepare dinner soon but she wasn't in a rush to get there.

The other boys of D-Tent had finished long before her and were spending time in the Wreck Room. She was still avoiding it, not wanting attention from all the other boys there. She got plenty of wolf whistles and catcalls and comments when she was half awake, it could only be worse when she was fully awake.

She paused her rubbing when she heard the distinct sound of the tent flap opening. She sat up to be greeted to the sight of Caveman pulling his hat off his head. "Oh, sorry," he muttered once he noticed her. "Sorry, I didn't see you there. I'll go."

"No, it's okay," Mickey said, waving her hand to brush away his words. "It's more your tent than mine anyway." She forced herself to get to her feet despite her muscles screaming in pain. She reached across her front and rubbed at her neck as she walked towards the front of the tent only to pause by Caveman's bed. "Are you okay?" she asked, studying his face.

He turned his half-lidded gaze to her. "Yeah, 'm fine. Just hot," he replied.

She clicked her tongue. They were all hot but they didn't look as if their faces were melting like his was. Turning on her heel, she walked over to her crate where her canteen, rucksack, and sketchbook were contained. Yanking on the drawstring of her bag she pulled out a small cloth. Removing the cap to her canteen, she poured the water over the cloth and then wrung out the excess. She didn't have to worry about wasting it with the water spigot on the shower wall.

"Lie down," she instructed him. He looked back at her before doing as he was told. He lay down on his cot and she couldn't help but notice how it groaned beneath his weight. Once he was down she dabbed the wet cloth along his cheeks to even out cooling down his skin. She had laid the cloth down on his forehead when the boys of D-Tent trooped in.

"Oh ho ho! Look at this! Caveman got himself a nurse!" X-Ray commented. "Wish we all had nurses to take care of us. Don't you?"

"Yeah. A hot nurse to give u sponge baths," Zigzag agreed.

"They'd need to use industrial scrubbers to deal with your stink," Magnet laughed, holding his nose. Zigzag held his middle finger up in Magnet's direction. "Do we get wet cloths too?" he directed towards Mickey. "Squid, she's your friend. Maybe you can—"

"She aint my friend," Squid interrupted him, yanking his hat off his head which was then followed by the t-shirt he had tied around it to keep the sun off his neck. His words were filled with so much venom it actually made her take a step back. He only talked like that when he spoke of his mother. They were on the same plane now?

She pressed her lips together. It was amazing how much damage a friendship could suffer from in one night. If that was the way he wanted to be, fine. She could go on like he didn't exist. It couldn't be that hard. Before she turned away she caught sight of the simple brown, thin macramé bracelets tied around his wrist. She remembered making them for him months before their fallout.

She frowned. Maybe it would be bit harder than she thought.


End file.
